Not my will, but Thy will be done

Throughout these last two years I have found myself either feeling like this aoption HAS to happen or I have found myself apathetically wanting to give up.   However over the last few weeks while facing uncertainties in many regards on both the Ugandan side of things and on the US side of things, I found myself in a place where I didn't even know how to pray because the situation has gotten quite complex.  This place of not knowing how to pray actually led me to a place of honestly holding the adoption of my Ugandan son in an open palm.  If God opens the door, I will receive, love, nurture and parent him as my son.  If God closes the door entirely, I am okay with that, too.  I have come to a place in my heart where I don't have an agenda either way.  I will thankfully accept it however it turns out.